he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
