it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
