are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it's like iHOP with fire
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
