I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
