i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
