dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
