WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm really busy with my period
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