names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
