i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
