i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
