dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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