I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
