i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
