Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
