i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
