There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
my liver is dry heaving
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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