I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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