Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
