i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
