just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it hurts more in the daytime
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
