I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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