i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
