He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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