At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
