I have demons in me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
