I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
