I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
