I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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