$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
