Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
