Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
