If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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