fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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