you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
