just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
