just survived the first fart of the relationship.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
