I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
