just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
