theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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