No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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