Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
FUCK WHALES
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
