so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
