did you get engaged???
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found the puke drawer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
