So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
