Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
