The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
