so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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