....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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