The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
