I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
