Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
