I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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